Redemption-indoors is safer
I didn't save my heart on time
I didn't save my heart on time
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Redemption looks like protecting (my, your, our) heart.
I fail, fall, jump and free dive to survive. I dance, sing to breathe. I do mind walking, paragliding, free climbing because that’s all that this body is familiar with. I may risk it all. you become the company you keep- when you recognise a misalignment. energy can be tainted - in muddy ways. discernment ma luv!
it seems we are always asking each other: Are you worthy? as opposed to asking do you actually know my heart?
I walk away maybe lurking in the shadows learning that creativity should feel like home, gratitude are anchoring points. knowing oneself too. being misunderstood is part of it. Messages are everywhere, they just require deeper modes of feeling, looking, hearing and seeing. balance/reciprocity (doing things with the same energy that’s what I mean - not the transactional type of reciprocity). cause everything is energy. And, if it’s meant to empower others - make it sustainable. tse ngata di tlogele modimo.
I walk away constantly asking - teach me how to love (Musiq Soulchild). teach me your love languages. and that with me - I don’t need you to feel the pressure to be on the same page as me. just flow when you are with me, but do it knowing that you are free to walk away when you have had enough. that’s what you should feel when you are with me. Flow like you are at home, in your space.
“Love”, don’t EVER neglect it. don’t risk it all
are you holdIng each other accountable In your “communities”?
Ts&Cs
don’t confuse codependency with community.communityshould be about acknowledging differences, and not needing to assimilate. it is intersectional. But it should mostly be about reminding and bringing out each others light.i think it requires a practice that asserts the individual and the collective. allowing everyone who is in a community to feel like they are rooted - every one in community must be rooted because it is meaningless when one of you is left behind
i’ve felt lonely in a community before.Have you? -a rambling loner
God! a nightmare - becoming the thing that one dreads.
on time
time travel -time speak to me now
on joy (a response to an afropessimist)
are you asking us to make space for contradictions in our quest for joy/freedom? (cause both are hard and complex)/how does it make space for curiosity?(curiosity is a life giving fuel) - its for the dreamers, the brave and the hustlers/how does it negotiate accessibility?(make it make sense - double entendre) - cause casualties are inevitable in a battle/will the ship come back to fetch those who don’t have the sophisticated language because they are speaking and living …from the township, rural, informal, all a lived experience?
run away from the world? … perhaps. how do we relate this back to our people. access…? Bus e ngwetswe - we are asking people things they already know about themselves. some things are obvious- what about reminding them of their inner intelligence - their super power? to the afropessimist: is freedom a contradiction in your imagination?or are you asking people who have tasted a little bit of freedom, to not be hopeful? we all deserve to be comfortable.
even in the quest for joy and freedom, there’ll always be a prominent moment,interaction and an experience that reminds us of our differences.that regardless of how hard we may strive towards these pleasantries/a movement towards joy, freedom, I am still left with more questions: what needs to happen for (us) to collectively/individually to just be? what needs to happen to make this real? how do we practice accountability next to joy and freedom in the face of being reminded that you are a sub?
on being humxn
UBUNTU remember?BLACK CONSCIOUSNESS, remember -HE ASKS US “WHAT IS OUR STRATEGY FOR LIBERATION?” he tell us that it is a collective responsibility. ALL OF US ARE RESPONSIBLE! if we want to envision a world that is - free of non racialism - nondiscrimination, a world that is rooted in love. collapsing power and dominance, we have a responsibility to work towards this together but Biko also said that no one is coming to save us(black people) because “black man you are on your own.”- there’ll always be things that will remind you of your differences.now again I ask, are you holding each other accountable in your communities? can you actually hear your thoughts?IS IT STILL WORTH BEING LOYAL TO?
oh,NB:systems are targeting children. using children as weapons. the biggest crime. a worrisome crime.scary times. there is a problem. evil. the fight continues.(it’s scary when they die in spaces where they are supposed to be safe.)
introspect introspect introspect introspect!
on feelings: don’t dishonour your feelings.
“Misunderstandings”:
is being hopeful still a delusion?… because my heart won’t stop believing. Intuition saves us all the time. Mine says stay hopeful. what about yours?
—————————————————————————————————————————————————————. i am even questioning my own truths.
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Violence.
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ho fetile. let go - kganya. lesedi.
I am always ———
let go - kganya. lesedi.
Emotional. Mental and spiritual.abuse. trauma.shock.
That’icover - ho hubi f…d up! crazy stuff…!
indoors is safer.
indoors is safer.
reading: sample. resonate. “focus” blunt writing- I’m obsessed generally with the truth but at whose cost? I prefer writing that calls for kindness. redemption.self redemption. love - not just within but love within creativity. we don’t conjure. we feel. what we feel is real. no more casualties in this war.
don’t ever let anyone make you feel like you have your hands tied against your back.PUSH BACK, ALWAYS!
I know my body and it is experiencing shock.
don’t stop cultivating your own protective barriers.
My own safety kit? OF COURSE,EVERYTHING YOU MAKE HAS ALWAYS BEEN A SIGN(AL)!
A PRECAUTION.
AT THE TIME I DIDNT KNOW WHY I WAS DOING IT
THE THINGS THAT ARE BORN FROM OUR HANDS ARE MESSAGES THAT HAVE BEEN ENCODED BY AN UNDERSTANDING THAT IS GREATER THAN OURS.
making: fingers moving. unbending. mending. fixing. helping. guiding. pointing. kneading,needing the reflexes.flexibility.slowly? bones locking. arthritis. massage. touch. exhausted. autopilot mode and counting.
I watched myself walking away from my own heart(creative safety zone).
BODY: you only have one.
reasoning:
I dropped my guard
trusted easily because I don’t want to assume the worst. because I don’t see bad first until my intuition starts flagging. I see goodness.always.
STOP betraying your intuition!
I stopped counting my scars.
honey, those are eventually going to come out on their own.you won’t be able to stop the rage.
it is possible to stop the rage however not everyone is fortunate to access the help.
self compassion le self love Ntwana. o tlaba shap…
“just be on your own side for once”
be there. show up ngwanyana! let all of your light shine.
make sense?
mata(friend)
disorientation.
uproot.
improvise - just make it happen
anxiety inducing … I can’t breathe.
always in my head.
perhaps I am imagining things.
don’t forget who you are?
healing: Party Packs. Safety Kits (semantics)= the innocent things. keep your creative space pure.
believe in the madness - trust it.
Rotated shhhhh. inflamed bbbbb. internal physical trauma.
run
run
shock responses!
for
for
I didn’t know! …I still don’t know
most of my ……. come from ….
Nyakallo Maleke “Put Yourself First” (2024) Drawing. cotton thread marker on poly cotton fabric. photo credit: Peter Oliver Wolff
shown in exhibition: Resilience: Pleasure and Self Care in a Precarious World curated by Thuli Mlambo James Eigen+ Art Lab
pause…
Just,
please
breathe:
don’t forget to keep your heart soft.
